Ongoing Advice To My Cat - Table Manners

It is ill mannered to pat the mashed carrots just because you can't get to the pork chops.

Ongoing Advice To My Cat - Sharing Chairs

There are several chairs and a bench in the garden, you can surely share them with the neighbours' cats who sometimes visit and sit on one of them; instead of pushing them off everytime you see one of them sitting in a chair?

Ongoing Advice To My Cat - Shenanigans

I am trying to work, please could you conduct your shenanigans outside of the house!

Cat Vomit

Kudos to my cat for vomiting her food back into her bowl, thus ensuring that there was no mess on the floor and enabling her to eat it later.

Document Security

It is unwise to leave important documents in the vicinity of a cat.

Advice To Neighbours' Cats

We are not a cat cafe!

Sod's Law - Trips To The Vet

It is the law of sod, that when you need a taxi to take the cat to the vet its takes farking 30 minutes to arrive!